30 Years and Still Struggling with My Faith

Hi all, it’s me again. Well, I’m the owner of this blog so of course, it’s gonna be me again 😌

Anyway, I have a concern about myself. I’m honestly worried about my spirituality. I feel lost again — not myself exactly, but my connection to my Creator.

There are times I feel guilty for missing a prayer. I try to improve, to complete all five daily prayers. Sometimes I succeed. But there are also times when I intentionally miss them. And even though the guilt is there, I just let it pass so casually, as if it doesn’t matter.

That’s what scares me.

What if I die today, and I have nothing to show my Creator? No proof that I was truly His believer and servant? What if all the good things I do are just an act? What if it’s not enough to bring me to heaven?

I’ve been granted life up until now — 30 years of living. And I don’t think I’ve been good enough. If I’m honest, I have done more bad deeds than good ones. Even now, I still fall into mistakes, even when I know they’re wrong.

I’m scared of what will happen on the day my eyes, ears, mouth, hands, my own body, and my soul speak about me — about the things I’ve done against their will. I’m scared because I know exactly what I’m doing. I am aware.

Thirty years of living should be enough to be firm and disciplined in spirituality. No more excuses. And that’s why I’m worried.

Confession of a Panic–Overthinker Admin

I’ve been an admin for two years now, and let me tell you — it’s not the “easy paperwork” job people think it is.

We’re basically the office’s human glue — holding together schedules, bookings, payments, follow-ups, random “urgent” requests, and the occasional “Can you just…?” (which is never just).

The thing is, my admin style isn’t the colour-coded, perfectly labelled, ultra-organised kind you see on Pinterest. I’m more of a “panicked but somehow it gets done” kind of admin. I can handle the workload, but I know I need a better system — for me, and for the poor souls who rely on me.

The hardest part? This role requires you to remember everything. And I mean everything. You’re the walking “to-do” list of the company. But one small miss, and suddenly you’re starring in a workplace drama you never auditioned for.

I get so jealous of naturally organised people who seem to just… know what to do next. Meanwhile, I’m here overthinking the overthinking.

Still, I’ve learned to respect this role (and myself in it) more than ever. Admins aren’t “just admin.” We’re problem-spotters, fixers, time-keepers, chaos-containers. And even if the work is invisible most of the time, it’s the reason the wheels keep turning.

So here’s to the admins — whether you’re a neat freak or a last-minute miracle worker like me — because without us, the whole thing falls apart.

Weight Loss Update: From 89kg to 86kg Without Starving or Struggling

Hey everyone 👋
Just wanted to give a little update on my weight journey.

The last time I talked about this was back in February 2025, when I posted “Stuck at 89kg: Time to Break the Cycle.”
Honestly… I didn’t do anything after that post. Maybe I just needed to get those thoughts off my chest.

Since then, my weight stayed around 89kg — until recently.

And surprisingly, the change started from one random question I asked ChatGPT. I was supposed to get a weight loss plan (which I didn’t even follow 😅)… but somehow that turned into me tracking all my meals.

On 1st July 2025, I started logging everything I ate — from breakfast to dinner. ChatGPT estimated the calories and gave little comments on my food choices. Over time, I began making small swaps:

• Fried → grilled or stir-fried

• Less kuah in my meals

• More veggies and lean protein

• Less rice & processed sauces

• Added more fruits

• Slowly reduced sugar from “less sugar” to “no sugar”

Now, here’s the part I never thought I could do — cutting down on rice. I LOVE RICE. RICE IS LIFE. The idea of eating less made me unhappy at first. And no kuah? Even worse! I thought I couldn’t eat “dry” rice.

But after trying, it wasn’t bad at all. A plate full of veggies and protein actually kept me satisfied — even with half the usual rice. And the rice wasn’t truly “dry” anyway… there’s still the essence of kuah from your lauk and veg, just in a smaller portion. It just took time to adjust, and I didn’t go 100% clean from day one. That’s my biggest tip: start small, change gradually, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Tracking gave me a huge awareness of my calorie intake — and honestly, it’s crazy. Some small, innocent-looking snacks are calorie bombs. Example: jemput-jemput. Just 5 pieces = 200+ calories! That’s enough to push you over your daily limit without realising it.

Even eating out is different now. At the local kedai tomyum, I used to order nasi pad khaprao. But after learning how much oil, sauce, and sugar it has, I switched to nasi putih with ayam goreng kunyit — cleaner and more balanced.

🎉 The Result?
I’ve lost 3kg in a month — without starving, over-exercising, or obsessing.
I’m now 86kg, and the best part?
It didn’t feel like a punishment.

Just awareness, small swaps, and consistent tracking.

To anyone feeling stuck:
You don’t need to go hardcore to make progress.
Sometimes all it takes is one small step — and a little accountability.

Here’s to better habits, one meal at a time 🥗💪
I’ll share more next time!