Stuck at 89kg: Time to Break the Cycle

Hello,

Today, I wasn’t really in the mood for work, even though I have quite a few tasks that need to be done. But here I am, making this post.

Recently, I’ve been concerned about my weight. It’s been on my mind for quite some time now. I know I need to lose weight, but the problem is, I haven’t started anything. It feels like I’m stuck with this heavy body of mine.

To be honest, I’ve tried cutting sugar—not 100%, but I’ve reduced the sugar in my drinks. I usually only have one sugary drink a day, and if I get bored with water, I’ll drink something without sugar, like juice or iced lemon tea. This is what I’ve been doing for the past 2-3 months, but I haven’t been strict with myself, and I still struggle with portion control.

I haven’t worked out in quite a while. I stopped exercising when I started working here, which has been about a year and a few months now. A few people have told me that I look bigger than before, and that’s because I’m currently at my heaviest weight—89 kg—and I’ve been stuck at this number for quite some time. I’ve also started to dislike my body. It feels like I’m a toothpaste tube—small head with a boxy body—and it’s such an unpleasant feeling to take photos since I’m not confident in myself.

I used to think that it wasn’t necessary to be strict with myself and that I should just enjoy the journey. But now, at this stage, I’m starting to think that mindset might not be the best. The truth is, we do need to be strict with ourselves and push ourselves a bit. If we’re too kind to ourselves, we might end up in a situation we didn’t expect. It’s necessary to be tough on ourselves when needed. The greatest enemy isn’t the people around us—it’s within ourselves.

And honestly, I’m starting to get tired of myself. I keep giving myself false hope and breaking my own promises. "I'll do it tomorrow," "Never mind, tomorrow," "Alright, I’ll start tomorrow!" It feels like casting a spell, but the magic never works. It’s not that it never happens, but it’s more likely that it won’t. I’m frustrated with this side of me.

But I realize that if I keep avoiding the hard truths, nothing will change. I need to stop making excuses and start taking action. I know it won’t be easy, but I owe it to myself to try harder. It’s time to break the cycle and push through the discomfort. I’m ready to stop waiting for tomorrow and start today. Let’s see where this journey can take me.

Wish me luck!