Hey peeps,
I have some news to share! Guess what? I’m officially in a relationship!
It's hard to believe, even for me! But if I’m being honest, there’s a part of me that feels unsure about this… like, are we really taking this to the next step? I mean, things feel pretty much the same as before, except now we’ve started referring to each other as partners. The problem is, we barely talk to each other because of the time difference (my morning is his night, and vice versa). On top of that, we’re both busy with work, especially him.
So, I don’t really know how to feel about this. Because we haven't spent much time together, I sometimes wonder what he misses when he says he does. I’m still trying to understand how such strong feelings can develop with limited interaction. Even though I believe he’s sincere, I can’t help but feel a little awkward reciprocating, especially when saying things like "Love," since our connection still feels new. To be honest, I'm inexperienced in relationships.
When he expresses his feelings for me, I find myself having mixed emotions. I don’t know how to react, and to my surprise, I’ve even felt sad about it, perhaps because I'm not quite feeling the same intensity yet. This is the first time I’m experiencing something like this. I’ve always wanted a partner, and when he came into my life, I wasn’t sure about it at first, and now I’m scared too.
At first, I hesitated because I wasn’t sure if he was truly invested in the relationship. This was partly due to the fact that we barely have proper conversations, which makes communication feel limited. Despite these anxieties, I've noticed he's making an effort to adjust his time to connect with me, even though he’s tired and busy with work. I really appreciate his effort to connect, which is why I decided to give this relationship a chance.
Being in a relationship now, I'm trying to understand its impact on my sense of self. It’s a big change, and I’m trying to figure out how it all fits together. I’m worried that we might not be a match, or maybe I’m not good enough for him, or he’s not good enough for me. The idea of being hurt by someone you love seems unbearable, but at the same time, I am yearning for a partner. While I'm comfortable being single, the possibility of a fulfilling partnership is definitely appealing. Do you understand my dilemma?
I've witnessed both the joys and the heartbreaks of love and relationships. I understand that relationships aren't always easy. The thought of being hurt is frightening, and that’s probably why I’ve shut my heart and built emotional walls to protect myself. Of course, I have my 'what ifs' – the usual anxieties about whether we're compatible and whether I'm good enough – but I'm attempting not to overthink them.
For now, I'll simply let things unfold. It's still early to draw conclusions. But I hope that this relationship could be a positive experience. Even if he isn't the right person, I'll learn what it means to be in a relationship. Opening my heart, though scary, might be worthwhile after all.
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