How was your Raya? I hope everything went well on your side.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost my rhythm at work. There are so many pending emails waiting for replies, I haven’t touched my booking summary in ages, and my to-do list just keeps growing. Deep down, I know what needs to be done — but for some reason, I keep delaying everything. I’ve been procrastinating a lot, and honestly, I don’t know why.
It’s frustrating. I want to be productive. I want to get things done. But somehow, I end up doing nothing, and the pile just gets bigger. It’s this strange mix of being mentally overloaded and stuck at the same time.
Then I started noticing something deeper: this isn’t just about being tired or lazy. It tends to happen when I’m faced with something unfamiliar — a new system, a different kind of enquiry, or a problem I don’t feel confident handling. I try to figure it out, but when it feels too overwhelming, I push it aside. At first, it’s just postponing. But soon, I’m avoiding it completely.
Once that starts, it snowballs. I end up focusing on smaller, easier tasks — anything to avoid the real thing I should be doing. I know I’m not fooling anyone, especially not myself. It lingers in my mind constantly, weighing me down with guilt and restlessness until I finally face it.
It’s not a good cycle to be in. And even though I can see it happening, it still feels hard to break.
The strange thing is, once I actually start the task, it usually isn’t as hard as I feared. The real struggle isn’t the work itself — it’s the mental loop I fall into. Overthinking. Perfectionism. The fear of doing it wrong. And maybe that’s what’s been weighing me down all along: not the workload, but the pressure I put on myself to handle everything perfectly.
I think this has also been affecting my daily habits. Almost every night, I find myself still awake at 4 or 5AM. I used to fall asleep easily in the evening, but now I stay up the whole night without even needing a nap. It feels unnatural — like I’m running on a completely off-track internal clock. Part of me worries that this pattern will catch up with me one day. The thought of it is scary. And yet, here I am… still wide awake.
This post isn’t about having the answers — it’s just me being honest about the messiness of trying to get back on track.
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